the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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