I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Bring me that man meat
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
