Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
