I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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