ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
