Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
