So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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