she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
