Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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