Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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