What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
