wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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