and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
