I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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