I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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