I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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