i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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