Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
