Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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