Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
