bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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