Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
