My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
