he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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