Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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