Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
whose parrot is this?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
