theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
