dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
