They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
