I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
