P.S. I can't hear my feet
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
