when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
