he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
