if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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