You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
