It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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