I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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