I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
