I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
