she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
