i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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