Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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