he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
