i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
