What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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