Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
