I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
