he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
