I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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