Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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