Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
