My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
